The Weird and Wonderful World of Wayward Wildlife

A new season!!

2009-10-21T23:24:00.006+04:00

Ah, another season has started in the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife! Just like how every year, the cage of the animals of the werid and wonderful world of wayward wildlife has been shifted to a higher level.. this year it has been moved to the 6th level and surprisingly the same 30th street!! All the animals in the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife were pleased!

Unlike other animals in the wilderness, the animals of the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife hibernate during summer. The reason being the air is too hot during summer and the intelligent animals of the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife prevent the accumulation of excessive heat by lowering their basal metabolism.. by hibernating!! How about winter? you asked.. well, the animals of the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife are exceptionally active during winter times all thanks to the excellent heating system in the zoo they are kept in!! Wow, isn't that just pleasant?!

Also unlike the other animals in the wilderness that come out of their hibernation tired and lazy, the animals of the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife were greeted by a hideous looking trainer upon their dehibernation!! The trainer was so hideous and huge that when the Long-limbed Giraffe and the Silver-backed Gorilla stood beside him, they resembled 2 tiny ants staring upon a mighty elephant!!! OH, what a trainer!! and his ego, knowledge and skills was as big as he was!!

The trainer gave a brief introduction of himself and none of the animals of the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife dared to move a limb, as though ensnared in his demonic aura!! The trainer taught the animals of the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife the ways to cut and reset organs of other animals in the wilderness in case anything bad should have happened when the animals are released into the wilderness again! It was not long after the training started that the hideous trainer snatched the silver-backed Gorilla's mighty keyboard, thus decapitated the silver-backed Gorilla's attempt to post in his favuorite website!

The hideous trainer's evil aura!!

After nearly a month of hardship, ALAS! the training was finally over and now the silver-backed Gorilla can finally continue typing whatever he wants with his reunited mighty keyboard!!! And like any other training, the training by the hideous trainer ended with a performance rating session. Only the Iron-board Rabbit and the mini-me Butterfly got full distinction as the Iron-board Rabbit outperformed the other animals with her ultimate eaves-dropping skills while the hideous trainer sympathized with the mini-me Butterfly's inability to perform any operations with her useless wings..

The iron-board Rabbit's victory pose!!

As the silver-backed Gorilla lay on the dry warm grasses, a gust of cold wind carressed his thick black fur, signalling the end of the hot summer...

Fracture inducing factor

2009-05-21T16:05:00.002+04:00

A day has passed since the battered and bruised extreme trainer left the zoo. Like any other day of this week, it is blazing hot in the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife. Yesterday the animals had a easy day as the extreme trainer was too busy licking his infected wound but today, the animals kept their guards up, just in case the extreme trainer decided to go extreme again.

Not long after Mr.Sun rised to the sky, the animals worst fear came true; the extreme trainer stepped into the zoo compound, fully bandaged and with fiery anger in his eyes! He held nothing in his hands which made the animals of the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife more anxious. All the animals were speculating on what the extreme trainer has in mind. They never speculated for long as the extreme trainer, minutes later, came back into the zoo compound riding a huge robotic machine! The robotic machine looked very much like a human but with very huge upper extremities that shaped like clubs… very huge clubs. “This is bad news” the animals of the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife thought, that robotic machine can contribute to some massive fractures and extensive soft tissue compression!

The mean robotic machine with its massive clubbed metal arms

The animals, especially the panda-eyed Sow, were on their fullest guard, fearing the worst as they were not sure whether the extreme trainer was still training them or did the extreme training just got personal after the extreme trainer’s fall about a day ago! Without wasting a minute, the extreme trainer, launched his robotic machine towards the cross-missmatched Zebra. The cross-missmatched Zebra wasted no time in chewing and managed to dodge the first few blows from the massive clubbed metal arms! The extreme trainer then keyed in a combination and the robotic machine made a loud “DEEETRIIICCCCCCHH!!!!!” sound and the massive clubbed metal arms started spinning and the tip of the spinning arms connected to the cross-missmatched Zebra’s chin which sent him flying. The cross-missmatched Zebra was hurt but still managed to get to his feet and did his “Cross-missmatched-crossing-missmatch-crossed“ stunt.

The Cross-missmatched-crossing-missmatch-crossed hallucinatory effect

The cross-missmatched Zebra started stomping hard on the dusty ground and made a lot of noise with his teeth and hoof at the same. Once the dust filled the air, the cross-missmatched Zebra danced forward and backward in the dust. The “Cross-missmatched-crossing-missmatch-crossed“ stunt created an ultimate visual and auditory hallucination which will enable the cross-missmatched Zebra to either flee or backstab his opponent. As the cross-missmatched Zebra completed the stunt and was about to flee from the spot, he heard another loud “DEETRIIICCHHHH!!!” sound and multiple stabbing attacks by the massive clubbed metal arms landed directly on him. The cross-missmatched Zebra fell to the ground, fractured. Apparently the robotic machine was equipped with heat sensor, so the “Cross-missmatched-crossing-missmatch-crossed“ stunt was useless against it!

Angered, the silver-back Gorilla ran towards the extreme trainer in the robotic machine. “DEEEEETTRRIIIIICCCCCCHHHHH!!!” the robotic machine shouted and the massive clubbed metal arms were thrusted towards the attacking silver-back Gorilla. The silver-back Gorilla met the attack head on with his massive gorilla fists and for unknown reasons, he managed to damage both the massive clubbed metal arms. All the animals of the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife, including the silver-back Gorilla himself were surprised! With great urgency, the extreme trainer get off the damaged robotic machine and jumped onto the silver-back Gorilla and threw his arms around the silver-back Gorilla’s mouth, trying to create a hermetic seal to cut off the silver-back Gorilla’s oxygen supply. The silver-back Gorilla grabbed onto the extreme trainer but the extreme trainer broke loose before the silver-back Gorilla can toss him.

The silver-back Gorilla continued practising!!

The extreme trainer cursed and quickly left the zoo. The silver-back Gorilla knew that the battle was not over, the extreme trainer can return anytime; the silver-back Gorilla needs to train harder to defeat the extreme trainer. The other animals of the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife knew that they too need to prepare themselves so that they can finally bring the extreme trainer down! As the cross-missmatched Zebra rest, the other animals continue sharpening their skills till darkness crept into the bright sky…

The fire dance

2009-05-19T13:37:00.003+04:00

The warm night passed almost instantaneously after the training yesterday for the animals of the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife. Upon the harsh greeetings from Mr.Sun, the animals of the zoo unwillingly prepared themselves for the possible encounter with the extreme trainer as the gold-dispensing Tapir was nowhere to be seen. Not long after the wake, the animals nearly jumped out of their skin when the extreme trainer jumped into the zoo with 2 flaming torches in his hands. Great, fire training today?!

The panda-eyed Sow, upon realizing that the extreme trainer was looking at her, performed her squint and sway stunt, this time with more intensity than before and somehow that mellowed the extreme trainer and she was spared yet again! The extreme trainer proceeded with the silver-back Gorilla, weilding the torches as though they were spike clubs. The usually slow silver-back Gorilla miraculously became agile at the sight of the flaming torches and before the extreme trainer could execute any moves, he was badly clubbed by the silver-back Gorilla’s huge keyboard!

The silver-back Gorilla's victory pose

It took the extreme trainer about an hour to recover from the concussion which gave time for the other animals to strengthen their guards. The extreme trainer stood up and flung one of the flaming torches towards the iron-board Rabbit. The iron-board Rabbit held her ground with her iron-clad chest, deflecting the torch while she prepared for her counter-attack. The iron-board Rabbit caught the extreme trainer off-guard with her high velocity regurgitated fecal-vomitus aimed at the extreme trainer’s mouth!

The iron-board Rabbit standing her ground

Unhappy with what he had just experienced, he grabbed the remaining torch and ran towards the animal that he thought was the weakest among the animals of the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife. He was very wrong. The readied long-limbed Giraffe used his exceptionally long limbs to whip the extreme trainer ugly and extinguishing the flame of the torch in the process. The extreme trainer, battered and bruised, quickly left the zoo to tend to his wounds.

The long-limbed Giraffe jumping happily after he got his revenge

Once again, with the hard work and cooperation among the animals of the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife, they managed to cheat death to live for another day! As the warm wind blew through their thick fur, the animals wondered what the extreme trainer has in store for them tomorrow...

2nd Encounter!

2009-05-18T18:24:00.002+04:00

Mr.Sun dominates with iron fist for the whole day in the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife. The glare is so great that it temporary blinded the animals that dared to look outside of the zoo, causing them to cower in their respective dens for the rest of the day. Today, the animals of the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife will face the extreme trainer again.

The tension can be felt in the air as the extreme trainer stepped into the zoo compound. Today the extreme trainer is supposed to train the animals about managing and preventing the shock from the possible trauma that they might face in the great wilderness. Instead of training the animals the contemporary way, the extreme trainer decided to give the animals a hands-on experience. Perhaps that is necessary considering that none of the animals could understand a sound uttered by the extreme trainer.

You can only shaft a carrot into the iron-board Rabbit and nothing else!

The extreme trainer dashed across the zoo and grabbed the iron-board Rabbit, threatening to rape her; ah, what a crazy interspecies sex maniac! The iron-board Rabbit was nervous but with her iron-clad chest, she managed to block the extreme trainer’s grab and gracefully evaded the attack! Satisfied with the iron-board Rabbit’s performance, the extreme trainer threw some stones toward the long-limbed Giraffe and did a 720 degrees summersault kick which landed directly on the long-limbed Giraffe’s face! The long-limbed Giraffe fell unconscious on the spot and the extreme trainer just spat at him with an insulting face. Next, the extreme trainer tried on a couple of fancy moves on the huge-nostril Hippo but to no avail; all the huge-nostril Hippo did was activate his Turbo-powered Twin Turbine Dual Black Hole and the extreme trainer, unable to withstand the vacuum created, surrendered!

The fearsome huge-nostril Hippo

After a few minutes of rest, the extreme trainer managed to catch his breath back and launched an all out assault on the conglomerated-face Fox and the mini-me Butterfly. None of his attacks were connected because the conglomerated-face Fox was too fast, dodging his every blow while the mini-me Butterfly just flew to a superior horizon, out of the extreme trainer’s reach. The conglomerated-face Fox then displayed his victory post; pointing his index finger towards the sky. The extreme trainer, without wasting another second, caught on to the cross-missmatched Zebra and tried to strangle him. After a few moments of grappling and wrestling, the extreme trainer finally left the zoo.

The long-limbed Giraffe swore to avenge his fall!

Curious, the animals of the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife looked out of the zoo, at the extreme trainer. The extreme trainer was apparently chasing after a weird animals that dispenses gold as it moves and it’s appearance resemble that of a tapir. Perhaps that could be the gold-dispensing Tapir that the cross-missmatched Zebra has been talking so very much about lately? Who or whatever the animal is, the animals of the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife are glad that none of them died in this 2nd extreme training. As Mr.Sun slowly wanes, the animals hope that the extreme trainer will continue chasing after the gold-dispensing Tapir and get lost in the great wilderness…

Extreme trainer

2009-05-16T00:37:00.002+04:00

Ah.. the battle between Mr.Sun and Mrs.Rain seem to have come to an end in the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife. Once again, with the Summer Peasants fully backing him up, Mr.Sun triumphed and showed signs of governing till Mrs.Rain can summon all her Autumn Minions for another decisive coup. In this bright and hot weather, the conglomerated-face Fox can be seen running frantically around the zoo with the same old hope of shedding some winter-accumulated blubber.

Today, a new trainer came to train the animals in the zoo of the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife. This new trainer appeared to be very problematic for the animals as even the very skillful iron-board Rabbit couldn’t understand a movement from his sign language, let alone the weird sound that he produced. Angered with his inability to convey whatever he wanted to to the animals, the trainer took out his frustrations on the animals of the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife!

The cross-missmatched Zebra continued chewing

The trainer started with the cross-missmatched Zebra; at 1st the trainer made some weird sound and proceeded with a combination of hand movements. Confused, the cross-missmatched Zebra continued chewing the remnant of the grass that he has in his mouth and in the process, made some “chap, chap” sound. The equally confused trainer then made some angry noise and looked at the panda-eyed Sow. He then continued with his weird sound and crazy hand movements combination and waited for the panda-eyed Sow’s reaction. The panda-eyed Sow merely gazed at that trainer and did her signature strabismic eye movement and swayed from side to side so that her loose blubber will move in a way that she thought was attractive… or cute, that didn’t matter.

The panda-eyed Sow doing her squint and sway

The trainer seemed to be taken in by the panda-eyed Sow’s squint and sway display because he didn’t made an angry sound after what the panda-eyed Sow did. Next, the trainer turned to the silver-back Gorilla, this time he did more weird sound and even more vigorous hand movements and after the completion of his watsoever,he stared hard at the silver-back Gorilla and he waited. He waited and he waited, and finally the silver-back Gorilla, with his lazy eyes, looked back at the trainer and said “Fuck you arsehole!” It was then that the trainer made a very angry sound as though he understood what the silver-back Gorilla had said and the trainer finally gave up and left the zoo.

With his lazy eyes the silver-back Gorilla said..

Thus, yet another sunny day went unwasted in the zoo of the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife. The trainer was supposed to train the animals about managing in extreme situation, but instead the extreme trainer left the animals in an unmanaged situation. The three animals cheated death today, but will they be able to continue doing so in the coming training days?

In an unrelated story the panda-eyed Sow was disturbed by some mythical creatures while she was eating loudly in the zoo and she also thought that her mouth is her anus… Too much squinting and swaying, perhaps?

New pet species

2009-05-13T22:18:00.004+04:00

An epic battle broke between Mr.Sun and Mrs.Rain in the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife. At the beginning of the day, Mr.Sun manage to seize control of the sky in the morning but towards mid day, Mrs.Rain overthrew Mr.Sun and together with her subordinates; Queen of cold and Mr.Wet governed the rest of the day. The animals of the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife cursed the unfair battle but they weren’t that very much upset because their discussion about the human apparatus continued throughout the day.

The long-limbed Giraffe thinks

In the cold of the mid day, the long-limbed Giraffe suddenly mentioned about a new type of pet that the human posseses. According to him, the pet does something that most animals do opposite; these pets make the human dry and clean so that the human will be happy always! The long-limbed Giraffe then added that he has once seen a few humans carrying a lot of the pets in 2 huge containers and he overheard them saying that those pets will last them around 2 months! That comment sparked awe amongst the animals of the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife. The silver-back Gorilla then asked what do the human do with the pets because according to what the long-limbed Giraffe said, they will only “last” for 2 months! The all knowing iron-board Rabbit then took the liberty of answering his question by saying that the human just dispose of the pets!!!!

Enraged with the answer, the conglomerated –face Fox then questioned how long do the special pets live; perhaps the have a very short lifespan and maybe that’s why the human can’t keep them for long? The iron-board Rabbit said that the pets have been known to have a very long life if they have not come in contact with the human! Oh, what cruel symbiotic relationship is this? Flashing his huge twin turbo-charged black holes, the huge-nostril Hippo asked what is it in for the pets if the keep the human clean and dry? The panda-eyed Sow seemed to know something about this and she answered “ well, the pets just get wet and dirty, sometimes smelly too..” Oh, cruel cruel human, this is not symbiotic, this is parasitic relationship! Poor special pets, the cross-missmatched Zebra was curious about how the pets look like.

Even the sea is not safe from the new pets!

The long-limbed Giraffe have seen them only in the huge containers, so he wasn’t quite sure but the iron-board Rabbit and the panda-eyed Sow seem to have came in contact with those special pets! According to them, the pets at 1st glance have no signs of life! But when they come in contact with water, they’ll drink till they double or perhaps triple in size! Perhaps there is lack of water from where those special pets came from. The pets are mostly white in colour and some has extra limbs compared to others. When the pets die and when the human dispose of them, the carcasses usually look alike; they are all rounded up like a ball and most of the time swollen and bleeding internally!

Internal bleeding?!

The curious and confused silver-back Gorilla then asked what those pets are called? The iron-board Rabbit said that her eavesdropping ability brought her to know that the human call the pets ; the “sanitary pet”. Interesting…

The weird new pet species

Human Apparatus

2009-05-12T14:07:00.002+04:00

The weather has been weird for the past week in the werid and wonderful world of wayward wildlife. Mr.Sun and Mrs. Rain took turn governing the face of the Earth a few times in a day which made most of the animals in the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife confused and too lazy to proceed with anything they had in their pea-sized brains. Today, however, Mr.Sun showed the tendency of governing the whole day and naturally, this bright and sunny day somehow activated the melancholic animals.

There have been a large amount of human tourists in the zoo of the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife and every now and then, the animals will pick some sort of weird apparatus that the human use for their daily discussion. Today the animals took a rather weird interest in the apparatus that female human strap on tighly to their chests! According to the iron-board Rabbit with her superior eaves-dropping ability, the female chest apparatus is called a “berah” and from what the other animals heard, the “berah” is used for the purpose of supporting something heavy on the female human’s chest. The long-limbed Giraffe observed and suggested that the heavy something on the female human’s chest resemble the pile of flesh dangling on the panda-eyed Sow’s belly. The long-limbed Giraffe’s suggestion made the cross-missmatched Zebra wonder: “panda-eyed Sow’s pile of flesh seem to be dangling happily on her belly, why does the female human need a “berah” too hold them? Maybe their flesh is too heavy?” but upon visual comparison by the silver-back Gorilla, panda-eyed Sow’s pile of flesh seem to be heavier. Perhaps panda-eyed Sow has thicker and stronger skin to support her pile of flesh… that seems like an acceptable conclusion!

The female human "berah"

Curious, the conglomerated-face Fox asked about a type of “berah” that presses the pile of chest flesh tightly against the human chest that forbid the swaying of the pile of chest flesh while the female human are running. The iron-board Rabbit answered his question briefly; the “sepots berah”. From what the huge-nostril Hippo can see, the “sepots berah” function to reduce the disease of the pile of chest flesh caused by the friction created by the vigourous swinging of the pile of chest flesh! The “sepots berah” makes the female human’s pile of chest flesh look like pancakes!! Confused, the male animals looked at the other 3 female animals of the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife; the mini-me butterfly’s pile of flesh doesn’t bother her much as she is always floating and flapping, the iron-board Rabbit has a tough ironing board attached to her chest instead of a pile of flesh while the panda-eyed Sow has a rather huge pile of flesh but that doesn’t seem to bother her much! Ah, human really is difficult to understand!

Oh delicious pancake!

The animals of the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife continued their discussion of the “berah” from the sizes to the material used for fixation but their discussion ended when the head trainer sent a mini female trainer to train the noisy animals. In the process of the boring training, the silver-back Gorilla gazed towards the sunny sky and hoped that Mrs.rain will sleep throughout summer…..

The silver-back Gorilla wondering what the "berah" should do for him..

P.S. the female animals of the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife are advised to read the disclaimer at the bottom of the page. Wahahah..

A day in the Circus

2009-05-06T17:29:00.004+04:00

The weather in the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife has finally brighten up. Gone is the gloomy weather and Mr.Sun pushed the grey coulds away and showered the zoo with his golden rays. Ah, the warmth sure is welcoming!

For the past few days, the silver-back Gorilla has been lazing around, although he managed to complete a few tasked at hand, completing his leftover project of building some useful tools with the branches from the trees in the zoo. The silver-back Gorilla even keyboarded an article for the “Stoopid Things to Do”(S.T.D) magazine that his friends in the great-wilderness requested but have yet to claim. Everything was calm and slow moving until one fine evening, the trainers dragged the silver-back Gorilla and forced him to perform in a circus that according to the iron-board Rabbit, was organized by a group from a faraway country known as “Mask Kao”.

The tired silver-back Gorilla

The silver-back Gorilla was nervous at 1st, since it was his 1st time being in a circus, let alone performing in it! Not knowing when he will be called to perform or what he should be doing to entertain those human spectators, the silver-back Gorilla just sat behind the stage and befriended the many tame animals that belong to the “Mask Kao” group. Among them were a few brown bears, a white stallion, and a majestic Asian Black Bear. At 1st, a female human mounted the white stallion and had him carry her to the stage. On the stage, the female human forcefully made the white stallion move in an awkward fashion by pulling onto the string that attached to the metal piece placed inside the white stallion’s mouth. Ouch, it was painful to even watch! Apparently human spectators loved the weird way of moving and the silver-back Gorilla overheard that that was actually called a dance! The only real dance the silver-back Gorilla know is the dance that the iron-board Rabbit performed.

Then it was the bears’ turn. One by one, the bears were called on stage, performing some random tricks like walking on highly placed beams, rolling here and there and they even rode on some weird machines. The human spectators really enjoyed the things that the bears did because they laughed and cheered very loudly everytime the bears completed something on the stage. All of a sudden, a weird man with white painted face and red nose came and pulled the silver-back Gorilla onto the stage! Nervous, the silver-back Gorilla just stood in the middle of the stage as the weird man put a big ring around the silver-back Gorilla and asked him to make the ring turn by moving his hips. The silver-back Gorilla failed and the weird man proceeded by placing the ring onto the silver-back Gorilla’s neck. This time the silver-back Gorilla shook his head violently and to his surprise, the ring actually started turning around his neck! Pleased with what the silver-back Gorilla have accomplished, the weird man let him return to the back of the stage.

The weird man with white painted face and red nose

After a few more performances by the other humans, the weird man pulled the silver-back Gorilla to the stage again. This time, the silver-back Gorilla was joined by 2 human spectators and the weird man requested the the silver-back Gorilla imitate the weird moves that the human spectators were doing. After a few minutes of weird moving, the weird man finally let the silver-back Gorilla back into the zoo. As the silver-back Gorilla moved to his resting spot, still shaken, he could hear cirpings coming from far and slowly closing in.

Mr.sun was already dozing off and the animals of the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife joined him. As the silver-back Gorilla shuts his eyes, a thought came to his mind: “why do human enjoy looking at the sufferings of the animals in the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife? Animal circus sure is cruel..” The silver-back Gorilla ventured deeper into his slumber while the cold breeze blew gently across the zoo….

Paparty

2009-05-04T19:24:00.004+04:00

The weather in the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife is still gloomy as ever. A few days have passed since the “Paparty” and sitting in the corner of the zoo in this lazy weather, the silver-back Gorilla’s mind drifted away yet again…. The “paparty” was a success, but not for the long-limbed Giraffe as his paparty-as-a-decoy-for-escape plan failed. All the other animals of the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife enjoyed the celebration very much except for the mini-me Butterfly. The ability to fly made the mini-me Butterfly fall unconscious once the smoke from the mini-bonfire started rising, maybe that’s why she was missing during the Big Bonfire celebration as well…

The disappointed long-limbed Giraffe

The morning prior to the paparty, the animals worked hand in hand to gather all the food that they’ve saved from their daily ration given by the trainers of the zoo. The bigger animals broke off some of the branches of the tree in the zoo, pretending as though they were trying to climb onto the smaller branches so that the trainers of the zoo wouldn’t be suspicious. Oh, what intelligent animals they are! The iron-board Rabbit managed to secure a raw banana which was later confiscated and eaten by the huge-nostril Hippo! Sad sad iron-board Rabbit, but no worries, banana is not her favourite. All the animals in the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife know to keep away from her favourite food!

As soon as the sky turned orange, the animals of the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife started the mini-bonfire, about the same time when the mini-me Butterfly did her spiral free-fall; It was an impressive sight! thought the silver-back Gorilla. The animals gathered around and started feasting and after they’ve finished eating, perhaps due to the small area of the zoo and the hungry bonfire consuming all the oxygen in the air, the animals started going wild all at once! Luckily none of the animals of the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife went into a frenzy! What a relief to know that!

The panda-eyed Sow enjoying herself

The cross-missmatched Zebra in his drunken stance, lowered his head and started sniffing the silver-back Gorilla’s big hairy backside before spanking them HARD! The panda-eyed Sow just sat there enjoying what the long-limbed Giraffe was doing to her! The long-limbed Giraffe was licking her NOSE!!! Uh, that was really gross! The silver-back Gorilla was happily stuffing his fists into the huge-nostril Hippo’s Turbo-powered Twin Turbine Dual Black Hole while the cross-missmatched Zebra pulled the huge-nostril Hippo’s nipple hair!!! To every animals’ surprise, the iron-board Rabbit did not attemp her usual belly dancing, instead she grabbed herself a chair and started performing a striptease with it! Perhaps she thought she could undress her fur?

The iron-board Rabbit before her tease!

Before the night was over, all the animals in the zoo fell to the ground asleep and the bonfire went out at the same time. Until today, it is not sure as to whether the lack of oxygen in the zoo or the BIG and LOUD FART that the conglomerated-face Fox let out right before the mass fainting that contributed to the dying of the bonfire! And so, yet another joyous day danced away in the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife……

Hiatus

2009-05-01T19:09:00.003+04:00

The weather has been gloomy for the past few days in the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife. The iron-board Rabbit managed to eaves-drop the trainers of the zoo and concluded that the weather will continue to be so for the next few days! Ah, what is to be done in these non-productive days? A depressing news broke through the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife today; due to the recent depletion of economy, the ever worsening "2009 H1N1 type A influenza outbreak", the labour day holiday, the upcoming Paparty celebration and the multiple animal get togethers for the H.O.W(Handy Outdoors for Wildlife) discussion, the silver-back Gorilla decided to take a break from his large keyboard for a few days. Thus, there wouldn't be any post for a few days, until then take care and enjoy yourselves, thank you for reading.

Planning ahead

2009-04-30T00:30:00.002+04:00

The sky is gloomy today in the weird and ownderful world of wayward wildlife. The damp and cold weather accompanied by the swirling mist made some of the animals of the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife feel glad that they are in the zoo instead of the great-wilderness. Despite the lazy weather, the silver-back Gorilla for one is glad at the turn of the supposingly summer outdoors. The silver-back Gorilla knows that he’ll have some peace and quiet today as the irritating yapedee-yap-yap birds flew frantically into the woods as the rain started pouring. Ah, how he wished that the the irritating yapedee-yap-yap birds will be weighed down by the rain, achored by the muddy soil and get stomped to death by the stampeding animals of the great wilderness! That maybe cruel the silver-back Gorilla thought, but it is nothing short of a necessary evil.

At the neighbouring cage, some trainers can be seen inspecting, palpating, auscultating, injecting, squeezing and hammering the poor enlarged panda-eyed Sow. After hours of tormenting experiments, they finally let panda-eyed Sow out of the isolation as it turned out that the panda-eyed Sow’s sudden growth was due to food and not the flu!! However, despite the release, a determined trainer attended to the panda-eyed Sow and did something that popped multiple question marks on top of the other animals’ heads. The brown-skin trainer repeatedly chanted some weird sentences and rubbed on panda-eyed Sow’s head. When whatever the trainer was doing proved to be unsuccessful, he left with an annoyed look in his face. According to the iron-board Rabbit which has a very superior eaves-dropping ability, the brown-skin trainer chanted “you are pork but now you are mutton” for a few times. ?????? the other animals replied.

The conglomerated-face Fox still digesting!

The conglomerated-face Fox seems tired today, as he didn’t even complete his regular running-about the zoo routine like he always did! Perhaps he is being lazy? Or maybe he is still digesting the food that he ate during the big bonfire? Bored with what the zoo has to offer, the long-limbed Giraffe took the liberty of planning an escape. “Should I cut the metal bars or knock the trainers unconscious?” the long-limbed Giraffe thought. Finally he came up with the idea to throw another bonfire celebration with the hope of confusing the trainers like how he was confused in the big bonfire celebration watching the iron-board Rabbit belly dance.

The long-limbed Giraffe in his "thinking mode"

as the sun slowly dived into his half-day sleep….And so the discussion with the other animals of the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife begins! But unknown to the long-limbed Giraffe, the other animals of the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife thought the coming bonfire is for the celebration of panda-eyed Sow’s release! They even named the coming bonfire fire as “Paparty”, stressing how hard they would be celebrating on that day!! The animals continued chit-chatting

Zoo sweet zoo

2009-04-28T17:18:00.003+04:00

The silence of the great wilderness was broken by the foodsteps and yells of both the animals of the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife and the trackers! The animals ran and dodged in their own separate directions but none of them were as skillful as the trackers themselves. Alas, one by one the animals were rounded up and brought back to the zoo at the 5th level 30th section in the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife. The silver-back Gorilla was the last brought back to the zoo, apparently the trackers found it hard to differentiate between his black fur and the darkness of the great wilderness.

The animals of the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife are back in the zoo, even the mini-me Butterfly that has gone missing prior to the bonfire celebration. The animals are sad at 1st, but soon everyone calmed down and for once the cross-missmatched Zebra looked happy! What is that? All the animals are curious. “Could it be that his sweetheart is at the neighbouring zoo?”. “Could it be that he longs for the food in the zoo?”. “Could it be that he misses the training by the trainers?” All the questions arised in the minds of the animals but they are most certain that they would not be answered.. At about the same time some strange criping came from outside the zoo! The animals of the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife gazed to the direction of the sound and saw those irritating yapedee-yap-yap birds singing happily! “Oh, how I wish I could break free from this zoo and break their thin necks!” shouted the iron-board Rabbit.

The cross-missmatched Zebra is happy!

Not long after that, something interesting happened in the zoo. The brief departure of the animals of the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife brought in new migrants to the zoo compound. Most of them went into hiding when the animals stormed back into the zoo but one tiny ant seemed to have lost its way and that poor soul landed in between the huge-nostril Hippo and the panda-eyed Sow! The huge-nostril Hippo then picked up the ant and started imitating a game played by the trainers of the zoo of which he heard was called the “ping-pong”. Thus he and the panda-eyed Sow started their 1 hour long amusement of ping-ponging the poor ant to and fro their huge paws while the other animals watched with great curiosity and boredom. The game however, took a sudden stop when the ant finally got squashed between the panda-eyed Sow’s layers of lard after being forcefully blown out of the huge-nostril Hippo’s Turbo-powered Twin Turbine Dual Black Hole!!! Poor little ant, hope you’ll be incarnated into a better being in your next cycle.

The iron-board Rabbit in eaves-dropping mode

A few hours later, the trainers suddenly barged into the zoo armed with type-4 protective suit and carried the enlarged panda-eyed Sow out of the zoo into an isolated cage! Moments later, the iron-board Rabbit managed to eaves-drop on the guards and found out that the panda-eyed Sow’s sudden enlargement was due to the recent Swine-flu pandemic!! All the animals of the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife wish her well! Ah.. the zoo seems to be bigger now and the air cooler, in the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife…

Long long rest.

2009-04-28T00:11:00.002+04:00

It has been more than a day after the big bonfire celebration in the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife. The animals all partied so hard that they slept in total exhaustion for more than 24 hours! Just as the sun hit the eyes of the huge-nostril Hippo, he opened his eyes and looked around him, still half-awaked, he spotted something laying close to him which startled him. The huge-nostril Hippo then gave out a loud shriek which woke the other animals up!

The huge-nostril Hippo panicked!

The other animals in the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife jumped up from their slumber and scattered around until the condition calmed down after an hour of mass-hysteria! All the animals looked at the “new-comer” in fright, none dared to make the 1st contact with it. The animal was huge and pinkish in colour, its eyes were lazy and seemed to be smeared in black charcoal, its nose was flat and round which reminded the animals of someone they know. Who could this “new-comer” be? Is it a he or a she? Does it speak mammal language? Is it aggressive or friendly? The animals of the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife whispered to each other without leaving their sights form the “new-comer”. The “new-comer” looked confused and it finally spoke up and through it’s voice, the other animals suddenly realized who the “new-comer” really was!!!!!

The panda-eyed Sow 'enlarged' in a day!!

“By the spirit of Gaia!” Exclaimed the silver-back Gorilla. “What on the great wilderness has happened to you?” questioned the long-limbed Giraffe. “I guess the celebration backfired on what it was meant to celebrate” the panda-eyed Sow finally replied!! The awe-struck animals of the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife stopped conversing when the conglomerated-face Fox picked up something with his keen sense of hearing. “The trackers are here!!!” the conglomerated-face Fox shouted. The big bonfire must have alarmed the trackers the location of the animals of the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife!

The conglomerated-face Fox on the look out

The animals started running in every direction while the trackers pressed on their chase. What will happen next? Darkness blanketed the sky as the animals and trackers continued their pursuit. Tonight in the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife peace has been robbed from the great wilderness….

Big Bonfire!!!

2009-04-25T23:53:00.002+04:00

It is yet another sunny day in the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife. Today, unlike any other days, the animals of the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife seemed busy preparing for something big. All the animals helped each other collecting all the food, wood and clean water that they could find while the other occupants of the great wilderness curiously watched. “What are they up to?” “Are they planning for war” “ Are the poachers coming again?” the native wildlife whispered to each other..

Today is a great and busy day for the animals of the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife because they are going to celebrate the panda-eyed Sow’s succesful determination to start moving more! All the animals gathered around the pile of wood that they’ve collected and started their celebration with a huge bonfire. Throughout the day and night, they danced and ate and laughed around the blazing bonfire, it is a pleasant change for the serene life in the great wilderness! Even some of the native animals joined in the celebration!

The contented huge-nostril Hippo

The cross-missmatched Zebra was busy checking the length of the fur on every animals’ limbs. Why would he do that? No one knows.. his cross is missmatched after all! The silver-back Gorilla laughed loudly and boasted about his newly acquired ability to unroot unwanted fur with very fine vines. The iron-board Rabbit was happily belly dancing around the bonfire while the long-limbed Giraffe watched with great confusion. The huge-nostril Hippo was enjoying the ample amount of food together with the panda-eyed Sow.. their stomach are like bottomless pit! They didn’t stop throwing food into their mouth! The conglomerated-face Fox looked intimidated by the speed of which the other animals can achieve when eating; he may be fast running around the zoo but when it comes to eating, he beats no one! The mini-me Butterfly wasn’t anywhere in sight because she was busy looking for insect food in the great-wilderness; she couldn’t eat mammal food!

The conglomerated-face Fox intimidated by their eating speed!

It sure is a wonderful celebration in the werid and wonderful world of wayward wildlife! The animals continued singing and dancing till they all fell asleep exhausted. The day will pass but the animals of the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife will always remember the big bonfire, the great celebration and also the face of panda-eyed Sow while she was happily eating! As the animals of the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife fall asleep, they shouted “Goodnight Mr.bonfire, hope to see you again”…..

The panda-eyed Sow's face while she was happily eating!!

P.S. Happy Birthday Jessica Saw Yin Foong!!

P.P.S. Pan Ann Feng, thanks for making me the luckiest person on Earth with the unwavering love, care and patience that you’ve showered upon me during easy and hard times alike. I love you and happy 2nd anniversary!

A day for dreaming

2009-04-24T16:31:00.004+04:00

The silk-soft grass of the great wilderness carefully caresses the harsh fur of the silver-back Gorilla as he lays with his arms streched open. Its a sunny day in the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife and all the other animals are engrossed with whatever nonproductive activities that they are occupied with. The silver-back Gorilla gazes towards the sky and his thoughts slowly drifted to an event that happened prior to the escape…

The animals of the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife are usually active in the zoo except during very cold periods. After the long winter of this year, all the animals seemed to have gained a significant amount of blubber, with some more significant than the others. It was then that the silver-back Gorilla decided that he could no longer blame his thick fur for his increasing size and was determined to do something about it!

The silver-back Gorilla resisting temptation

The silver-back Gorilla formulated a genius plan and started running around the zoo hoping that his blubber would not be able to catch up with him! The other animals of the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife watched and laughed but the silver-back Gorilla was too determined to be intimidated by them! “silver-back Gorilla, you look funny running on your hind limbs! Hahaha!” commented the long-limbed Giraffe. The silver-back Gorilla continued and before long, the shouts stopped and some of the animals started laughing very very loudly! Irritated, the silver-back Gorilla turned around and too his surprise 2 other animals joined him in the run!

The conglomerated-face Fox ran with ease!!

The conglomerated-face Fox ran around the zoo as fast as he could discarding any remaining fat from his thin body. He ran so fast that even the sound from other animals couldn’t catch up with his speed!! Perhaps his conglomerated-face was purposely altered with aerodynamic capability! Looking at the other animal of the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife that was running behind him, the silver-back Gorilla couldn’t help but joined in the laughs of the other animals. It was the panda-eyed Sow!!! Her steps sent shockwaves to the ground, shaking other animals off-balanced. She tried to catch up with the silver-back Gorilla but her blubber anchored her back! All the animals of the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife laughed at the chubby panda-eyed Sow till the day ended.

The panda-eyed Sow anchored to the ground

By the time his mind drifted back, the silver-back Gorilla realize sky has been lighted up by the twinkling stars and the ever-smiling Mr.Moon. Ah, that’s another peaceful day in the wilderness of the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife…

A day in the wilderness

2009-04-23T17:27:00.000+04:00

A cheerful morning was greeted by the heavenly golden rays of the sun in the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife. Ah, a day has never been so cheerful and carefree like in the great wilderness of the werid and wonderful world of wayward wildlife!! All the animals were carelessly rolling on the soft grass of the great wilderness and basked in the warm sun with an occasional cold blowing sea breeze.

The great wilderness

In this merry day, however, not all the animals in the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife are cuddled in their comfort zone; the iron-board Rabbit have made some new acquaintances in the great wilderness. She befriended many of the mammals that she came across during her stroll in the vast outdoors. While other animals of the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife were daydreaming on the silky grass-bed, the iron-board Rabbit was busy lecturing the less-refined mammals mainly about the medicinal values of various herbs of the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife that she eaves-dropped from the trainers from the zoo!

Usually the other animals of the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife will keep the iron-board Rabbit at arms-length, not because of her superior knowledge on herbs nor is it because of her great eaves-dropping ability, but due to weird diet! The animals from the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife learned an interesting fact about rabbits’ underdeveloped disgestive system which made them crave their own partially digested droppings! The iron-board Rabbit is kind to offer her milk-bottle to other animals of the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife whenever they are hungry but the long-limbed Giraffe whispered "Its NOT MILK, its her own 'cadbury' inside!!". “Thank you iron-board Rabbit, but we are not that hungry!!” the other animals immediately replied.

Its not milk!!!

On the other hand, the cross-missmatched Zebra can be seen wandering to and fro the direction of the zoo with uneasiness printed all over his face. The silver-back Gorilla wondered “could it be because he misses the animals from the other zoos, or is he missing the daily training that the trainers provide in the zoo?”. Either way, all the concerned animals of the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife wish that the cross-missmatched Zebra will be able to meet other equally cross-missmatched Zebras in the wilderness!!

The sad cross-missmatched Zebra

The air sure is fresher in the great wilderness. Life takes a slow pace in the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife….

Zoo Break!!!

2009-04-22T15:04:00.000+04:00

Every once in a while in the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife, the zoo guards would accidentally leave the Big cage unlocked. Today happened to be one of those days and the animals of the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife rushed into the wilderness in an instant!! The animals were lead by the huge-nostril Hippo who threatened to suck any intruding hunters with his Turbo-powered Twin Turbine Dual Black Hole!!!

The huge-nostril Hippo flaunting his Turbo-powered Twin Turbine Dual Black Hole!!!

In the rush of escaping the unlocked zoo, the animals unintentionally left behind the silver-back Gorilla that had his hair stuck on the grills of the cage. After struggling for half an hour or so, the silver-back Gorilla managed to break free and ran into the wilderness with the hope of bumping into his fellow animals of the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife! It was at about the same time when one of the animals; the panda-eyed Sow realized that the silver-back Gorilla was not with them.

The animals continued deeper into the wilderness and fate had it that they bumped into the silver-back Gorilla. The animals of the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife sang happy tunes for the accidental rendezvous but their happy tune lasted only for a few minutes because one of the trackers appeared before them holding a huge green impulse-generating weapon!!

The animals cooperated and threw whatever they could grab their paws on toward the tracker while the mini-me Butterfly sprinkled her capati powder to immobilize the tracker. In the midst of the confusion, the tracker pulled the trigger of his huge green impulse-generating weapon and the ray caught the black-mane OrangUtan with a head-shot, killing her on the spot!! Enraged, the animals of the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife intensified their attack and after 45 minutes of battle, they managed to subdue the tracker with a total of 110kgs of mini-me Butterfly’s capati powder!!

The iron-board Rabbit concentrating on regurgitating her fecal vomitus for the assault!!

Alas, one animal departed from the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife!! The other creatures didn’t mourn for long because the knew the have to celebrate their new found freedom in the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife, for they know other trackers and hunters will catch up to them in 5 days time at most. For the first time out in the wilderness, the long-limbed Giraffe tried to communicate with one of those irritating yapedee-yap-yap birds of the wilderness but his effort yielded only confusion! The other animals in the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife shouted at the long-limbed Giraffe in unison “You are a mammal, you don’t understand bird language!!!” and laughed all the way to dusk! The cold wind breezes through the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife, complimenting the wide and cheerful wilderness….

The confused long-limbed Giraffe

Zebra Freedom!!!!

2009-04-21T16:29:00.000+04:00

Today is a very nice day in the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife! The sun shines brightly and the wind blew cool breeze to balance the heat of the day. Another wonderful news came ringing through a few days ago in the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife; the cross-missmatched Zebra has been released from the captive!!!

The cross-missmatched Zebra finally free to roam!!

All the animals in the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife were very happy to see the cross-missmatched Zebra back in the zoo again! The cruel humans from the captive must have done something unspeakeable to the cross-missmatched Zebra while he was in captive because the cross-missmatched Zebra appeared in the zoo with fresh crater-like scars scattered on his missmatched-cross face!!! Nevermind the craters, the animals of the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife will still love him no matter what happens to his cross-missmatched face!!!

Something interesting happened in the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife!! All the animals were taking their turn to be trained by a bald and boring beast-master in the morning. When it was the conglomerated-face Fox’s turn to be trained by the bald and boring beast-master, the black-mane OrangUtan was busy chattering with the Silver-back Gorilla, while the mini-me Butterfly tried hard to decipher the mammal language, disturbing the concentration of the conglomerated-face Fox!! Out of frustration, the conglomerated-face Fox gave out a LOUD hissing sound that stunned the black-mane OrangUtan!! All the other animals in the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife were STUNNED!! Life in the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife has taken a BIG U-TURN!!! The conglomerated-face Fox that has been SMed endless by the black-mane OrangUtan finally summoned enough courage to stand against the black-mane OrangUtan!!!

The conglomerated-face Fox hisses!!

In another unrelated story, the cross-missmatched Zebra is struggling to keep up with the training from the bald and boring beast-master during his absence in the captive!! All the animals in the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife wish him luck!! Another happy and lazy day passed in the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife….

Introduction

2009-04-21T16:02:00.001+04:00

Hello and welcome to the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife(WWWWW)! Here in the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife, the animals are kept in mini zoos and every year in this weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife, the water level increases so the zoo will be moved to a level higher! The weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife zoo has been moved from level 4 sector 28 last year to level 5 sector 30 this year!

Every wonderful year in this weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife, some wildlife come and some go. As of last year, the wildlife in the zoo of the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife consisted of :

1)The cross-missmatched Zebra
2)The panda-eyed Sow
3)The silver-back Gorilla
4)The iron-board Rabbit
5)The long-limbed Giraffe
6)The huge-nostril Hippo
7)The black-mane OrangUtan
8)The conglomerated-face Fox

All the 8 animals were living happily in the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife when out of nowhere a mini-me Butterfly flew into the zoo and decided to join the weird and wonderful world of wayward waylife! All the original 8 animals were uneasy at 1st because they thought the mini-me Butterfly might add to much weight onto the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife and cause the water level to rise more! Things turned out fine however, as the mini-me Butterfly weigh only 12 ounces at most!

The mini-me Butterfly

At the beginning, the panda-eyed Sow befriended the mini-me Butterfly but out of kiasuism the black-mane OrangUtan planned a coup and after a few days in the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife, the black-mane OrangUtan managed to seize the mini-me Butterfly from under the nose of the panda-eyed Sow!! The rest of the animals just stood at their corners and watched while the panda-eyed Sow sadly returned to the embrace of the iron-board Rabbit!!

The black-mane OrangUtan VS The panda-eyed Sow

A few months have passed and all the tension calmed thus in the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife peace and harmony has been restored again!!! The mini-me Butterfly continues to sprinkle her capati powder around the weird and wonderful world of wayward wildlife…